Preparing to Meet Your Match

Should I go on a date with a mother/father and her children?

A lot of people find that approaching singles with children can be very hard. Children can be overcome by a new person in their parents' life. It is better that they are prepared beforehand before you introduce your new date. Parents need to consider the children's feelings in any new relationship. It is important to show your children that no one can take their unique place within the family and that they are included in the choice of mates as well. Single parents have much larger responsibilities and commitments to maintain, and their children are a valuable and precious commodity. Christian single parents can take advantage of all the rewarding benefits online dating holds for them. Christian single parents can email potential daters and take all the time they need getting to know other singles, before introducing them to their children. Because of the online screening process and real in depth communications, online dating holds an internal quality, that is crucial for christian single parents who really need this type of formal process. When the parents are viewing online profiles and emails from a home computer it is important to do so privately. Do not let your children view or evaluate the profiles or emails of other Christian singles you may be interacting with online. Do not include the children in the photos you post online either. Be cautious when it comes to engaging your children in the online process.

How can I be a blessing to my mate?

Are you a savvy worker or entrepreneur that can contribute wisely to your household? Prepare to use your skills and achievements as a contribution to your future mate. Learn how to buy, sell, prosper and be good stewards of all your finances. You want to be able to bring "something to the table," so that you can compliment your Christian mate. Although your mate will share in provision, It is important for you to have something of your own, in order for you to validate yourself in your own accomplishments. This way you do not have to look toward your mate for total accountability and security.

Should I approach other singles as well?

With respect to your being a single Christian, do not forget to use this opportunity to encourage and inspire others singles. Dating is not just about you. This is a valuable opportunity to edify and give others a great Christian boost. Encourage them with the Word of God. Take the time to compliment and make others laugh. As a single Christian, it is your calling to uplift others in your daily correspondence. Even if you are not interested in dating a certain person, use this free opportunity to comfort, strengthen, and support others. Selflessness, love, serving, caring and encouragement are the true ways of Christ.

It is never a good idea to pretend to be something you are not. In online dating, people should always be truthful, positive and upbeat in their correspondence. Do not pretend to like something that you don't just for the other person's sake; let us say, sports for example; when you really cannot stand sports. This is dishonest and can be confusing to your partner. It also puts you in a very unattractive spot. Make sure you submit photos that show you in a positive and attractive light. You want to submit your best photo possible. If you need to get new photographs, then do it! Allow that person to visualize you in an honest way, so that when they really meet you, they can accept you for who you are. Honesty is always the best policy.

Can people 65 and older benefit from online dating?

Online dating is not just for the young. There are many single seniors online who find themselves newly divorced or widowed. Online relationships are perfect to help widows and widowers get together in an environment that helps them to connect with other singles. Seniors find others who can understand and relate to their circumstances. Online dating gives seniors a fresh alternative geared toward their own age group and the freedom of meeting friends and love interests in a comfortable setting. They can search profiles and make contact with whomever they wish, all from the comfort and safety of their home. Senior online dating has seen its share of success and resulted in some great Christian matches.

What is courage?

Christian women/men, if you are looking for a good Christian match, look for a courageous person. When you are online, listen carefully to your conversations. Does he/she speak respectful about other people, even someone they have had past relationships with. Make sure they do not carry around past resentments or hidden anger. In order to become a good Christian match you should hold no fear, anger or resentment and be unselfish in your daily living. In your correspondence with others online, make sure that the person you are dealing with is strong and courageous in character.

Love the Ones You're With

My alarm is set for 6 a.m. I get out of bed around 7. In that hour, my much abused clock radio only lets me snooze for nine minutes at a time. I have it set to a golden oldies station, so the Beatles and Ronettes serve as my daily morning wake-up call.

Blame it on a repeating play list or the fact that my head is foggy before breakfast, but the other morning I was almost certain that I heard Stephen Stills’ “Love the One You’re With” more than once... which was really one time too many for me.

You remember the song. The chorus went something like:

There's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Honey, love the one you're with

Being a song from the ‘70s, I’m quite sure it was an excuse for free love. However, its timing this day was near perfect to bring me out of a funk.

The weekend prior, I traveled back home for a little R’n’R – not rest and relaxation but rather relationship rehab. Every time my heart gets broken or some misguided romantic expectations leave me lonely, I’m on the first tank of gas back to my hometown. This time was no different.

I drove all the way there throwing every impossible question up to God that I could. Most of them started with “why.” I was just confused and mostly disillusioned, because this time, I really thought I had something good. I wondered why finding a love that was simple seemed so difficult.

My pursuit of bitterness was derailed the moment my bags hit the floor of my parents’ house. They embraced me and didn’t let go all weekend long. My mother told me how much she prayed for me (and my “someday” husband). My dad watched old movies with me, and we discussed the novelties of Technicolor in 1950s cinema. My brother left a piece of trash in my luggage that I didn’t discover until I returned (how kind of him to give me an idea for his Christmas gift this year). It took many forms, but it was all love.

In a moment, I realized that the thing I thought I lost was all around me. It wasn’t the way I desired it, but at the same time, it was exactly what I needed. In the absence of the one I wanted to be with, people who genuinely cared about me were ready and willing to draw me in. Their love was uncomplicated and unconditional – it was the answer to my prayer.

I believe the Scriptures when David calls God a shelter and strong tower in Psalm 61:3. I know that refuge from the unexpected storm is real and tangible in this life. God gives it to us in the form of relationships. We’re born into community, because we need each other to make it through this journey.

Someone once asked me what my goal was with my writing. What’s the message I want people to know? I replied, “That you’re not alone.” When he walks out the door or she says she doesn’t love you any more, I want you to know that you’re not alone. In every life, God provides a soft place to land. It could be a parent or sibling. It could be friends that feel as close as family. It could be a spouse or the church. It could even be a stranger on the street who offers you a kind smile. There are flashes of His acceptance everywhere to let you know You are always in His sight.

Soul artist Sade once sang, “It’s only love that gets you through.” It’s true. We bruise and batter each other in this life, most of the time unintentionally. However, there is an intentional love that’s only an arm’s length away if we’re willing to reach out and hold it close. Learn to receive God today in whatever face He shines through. Love the ones you’re with, and in turn, you’ll rediscover the treasure that you’ve held all along.

Can't Buy Me Love

You have to give the girl credit for honesty—if nothing else. On a Web site called Craig's List, a young woman wrote: "I'm a spectacularly beautiful 25-year-old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm looking to [marry] a guy who makes at least half a million a year. Where do you single rich men hang out?"

She also wanted to know how men decided between "marriage versus just a girlfriend. I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY," she said.

In response, a man who claimed to meet her financial requirements said that from his perspective, her offer was a lousy business deal. "What you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party, and I bring my money," he wrote. "But here's the rub: Your looks will fade and my money will" continue to grow. "So in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset." (Ouch!)

This is why, the man explained, "It doesn't make good business sense to 'buy you' (which is what you're asking), so I'd rather lease. So a deal that makes sense [to me] is dating, not marriage. If you want to enter into some sort of lease [agreement]," he finished up, "let me know."

Well, that was pretty harsh! But plenty of readers thought she deserved it. She was turning marriage into an economic transaction—reducing what should be a sacred relationship into nothing more than a contract—and that's a dangerous mistake.

Economist Jennifer Roback Morse, author of the excellent book Love and Economics, puts it well. When it comes to marriage, she says, "the language of contract is . . . misleading because it undermines the basis of generosity and self-giving that is so important in married life."

Morse is right. Contractual arrangements are a calculated effort to get what you want on the best terms you can get it. But marriage is about unreserved giving and sharing.

Contracts are limited and renewable; marriage is a permanent, life-long commitment. It is about self-sacrifice, not self-satisfaction.

The Scriptures back this up. Christians have always seen marriage as a covenant with God as a party to it. Couples are to put aside their own selfish desires and focus on the needs of the loved one. But the values of the marketplace, applied to marriage, teach a totally different message: that is, that we are entitled to a good "return on our investment." They turn would-be brides and grooms into marital consumers, looking for the best deal they can get.

Tragically, people who think this way often end up in a kind of unholy wedlock—one in which men abandon wives the moment their looks begin to fade, and women drop husbands if they run out of money.

That so-called "classy" woman who hoped to marry money should read the Song of Solomon, chapter 8. In this chapter, a bride tells her bridegroom: "If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned."

These verses offer a beautiful glimpse of love and courtship as God intended them. They make clear that true love cannot be bought and sold—or leased, as the case may be.

When it comes to finding a mate, we should seek a faithful, faith-filled spouse whose "love is better than wine," as Solomon put it. That is worth more than all the money—or spectacular looks—in the world.

Six Ways to Live as a Satisfied Single

You can be content without a significant other. Here are some tips to help you live life to the fullest.

1. Connect with God.

Spiritual revival is the first order of business for all singles. Our single years—whether they are few or many—can be a time to connect deeply with God like none other. Like Paul said, it’s a time where you can give your "undivided devotion to the Lord" (I Corinthians 7:35). Therefore, devote yourself to knowing God by reading, studying, and worshiping Him.

2. Connect with Friends.

Being single doesn’t mean being alone.Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together…but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” When you become a Christian by trusting in Christ, you become a part of God’s family as well. And in this family you’re called both to encourage and be encouraged.

3. Commit Yourself to Purity.

In order to live joyfully and contentedly, you must commit your body and mind to the Lord. This is no easy task in our culture. Magazines, television, billboards, “friends,” and sometimes even family members will encourage what seems natural to the world: promiscuity, pornography, lust, and affairs. But God loves you too much to let you take a path that leads to pain and loss of dignity. You will surely encounter adversity, but singles can bear this cross with honor and self-respect. (See the resources Every Single Man’s Battle and Every Single Woman’s Battle for direction and encouragement on this subject.)

4. Live with Passion and Purpose.

What do you love? What moves you? What interests you? What are you waiting for? You need to pursue what you love. Photography, theology, writing, music, languages, building, cooking, dance, medicine, sports…whatever keeps you up late at night or gets you excited is important to recognize and pursue.

5. Serve.

Your passion should drive you to serve in some way. When your passion drives you to service, you’ll find great purpose in life. Do you enjoy sports? Maybe you could volunteer in a Big Brother or Sister program. Can you cook? Ask your pastor about needs in your church…perhaps you could make meals for families with new babies or someone who has a family member in the hospital. God gives each one of us unique talents and passions for the purpose of glorifying him.

6. Exercise Your Mind and Body.

There’s great joy in dedicating our minds to studying God’s word, but there’s also great joy in worshipping him with our bodies. Exercise is a great discipline that gives you the needed energy to study and serve God.